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Category: Ringo’s Tale

Opening the door

Opening the door

The Firelands

The druid, Lesaris, drew a handful of herbs from his pocket and began sprinkling them on the ground. He then drew a branch of no tree native to Stranglethorn Vale and began sketching Darnassian runes in the dirt and muttering a prayer.

“So,” Widge Gearloose said after a moment, breaking the silence, “No offense, Ringo, but why you?”

“Nae offense taken,” Ringo Flinthammer shrugged. “Ah’ve got four brothers, after all.”

“And Durkon‘s the great hero of the Alliance.”

“An’ a fathead.”

“And Bragh‘s got a greater gift with animals, which you’d think druids would be impressed with.”

“Ye’d think.”

“And Mordun‘s half-wild himself.”

“A wee bit more than half, Ah’d reckon.”

“And Ely‘s got a better head on his shoulders.”

“If ye need accountin’ an’ other gnomework, anyway.”

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Of love and family

Of love and family

Night elf druid speaking in Stranglethorn Vale

“Well, Ah’m glad THAT’S over,” Ringo Flinthammer gasped, scraping off the sweet-smelling slime and wiping gobs of it off on the broad leaves of the surrounding jungle plants of the Stranglethorn Vale. “Ah didnae think we’d make it out o’ there alive.’

“Promise me that we will NEVER speak of this again,” Widge Gearloose shuddered, wringing the orange fluid out of his robe, and considering whether it might be better to just to burn the garment. “If we’re lucky, no one would believe us anyway.”

“Nae worries,” Ringo muttered, peeling off a boot and pulling out the tiny fish flailing around inside it. “Neither me wife nae yers would …”

“That did NOT count as a real marriage!” Widge yelped. “We would have been dead if I hadn’t agreed to … to … ugh.”

“Ah didnae e’en know they HAD princesses. Not that ye’d know she was a princess ta look at her.”

“Count yourself lucky to have seen as little of her as you did. I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight. Or able to eat noodles ever again.”

The sounds of flopping fish, dripping robes and ooze being flung away continued unabated for several minutes.

“So, what now?” Widge asked finally. “Fair’s fair: I can help you with the Bastion of Twilight portal now.”

“Nay,” Ringo sighed, pulling on the last of what passed for a clean set of clothes. “Ah reckon th’ Bastion has fallen by now. And Cho’gall weren’t ne’er gonna give me what Ah wanted; Ah were just clingin’ ta that so Ah would nae feel like a failure. The king will be cured, Ah’m sure o’ it, but no’ today and no’ by me.”

“What, then?”

“Ah’m gonna go home. Ah miss me boy. Ah miss me wife. Ah miss home cookin’ and a warm bed an’ clean clothes an’ no’ fearin’ fer me life or me sanity e’ery moment o’ e’ery day.”

“That’s a good idea,” Widge said. “I can open a portal to Ironforge for us …”

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Home again

Home again

Flinthammer Hall

“Mommy? C’mere.”

“What is it, Bael?”

“C’mere, c’mere.”

Beli Flinthammer sighed, putting down the putty and knife she’d been using to seal the cracks in the ceiling of Flinthammer Hall. Deathwing was long gone, but the damage he’d done to Thelsamar and especially Loch Modan remained. But at least her home was almost back to normal.

Statue of Beli in gold armorTo her son, of course, every day was a new experience, and the post-Cataclysm world was full of exciting new experiences. Gilnean refugees had begun to avoid Thelsamar, as word had gotten around that a small dwarven boy would tackle anyone with a Gilnean accent, throw them into a headlock and force them to “be a doggy.”

“C’mere, c’mere,” Bael said. He had gotten into one of her satchels and had gone through some of the decorations she was planning on hanging up, once the home in the hills above Thelsamar was repaired.

“Mommy,” her son said, pointing to a statue she’d purchased in Ironforge.

“Aye, that’s me, all right.”

“Where Daddy?”

The matching one of Ringo was around here somewhere, but she wasn’t feeling particularly motivated to find it just now.

“Uncle Widge says they’re fightin’ trolls in Zul’Gurub,” she said, knowing she wasn’t answering the question Bael was really asking. “They should be done soon: Ah donnae reckon a bunch of trolls will be givin’ them much trouble.”

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Any portal in a storm

Any portal in a storm

Ringo flying over Stranglethorn Vale

Rusty’s metal-clad wings sang with the fine mist falling over the northern jungles of Stranglethorn Vale. The dragon’s rider, Mountaineer Ringo Flinthammer, squinted at the canopy of dark green leaves, trying to pick out a safe place to land near his quarry.

Jungle animals beat a hasty retreat as the dragon heavily set down, and Rusty frantically beat his wings to keep from toppling forward onto his face. Proto-drakes were powerful beasts, but no one would ever accuse them of being elegant.

“Ringo Flinthammer!” a voice called out, and a figure shuffled out of the brush, jotting notes down in a journal.

“Widge Gearloose,” Ringo replied, sliding down off Rusty. “Just th’ gnome Ah was lookin’ fer.”

“Come about the Zandalari uprising, I presume.” Widge closed his book and marched forward, hand out-thrust to shake Ringo’s hand.

“Every blessed few months,” Ringo sighed, “Jus’ when it’s gettin’ nice and borin’, something new crops up.”

“Well, some would say that’s a good thing,” Widge offered.

“Like, no sooner were we kickin’ Yogg-Saron in th’ arse when th’ Argent Crusade started up their bloody tournament. Anyway, Ah come ta ask fer help from a portal expert. Ah cannae get through th’ Twilight Portal to the Bastion of Twilight in …”

“Time for that later,” Widge said, cutting him off. “I need your help to …”

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Problems on the high bluff

Problems on the high bluff

Ringo and Rusty fly to the Bastion of Twilight

It was not, Mountaineer Ringo Flinthammer would have been the first to admit, the most thought-out plan in military history.

“All right, then, Rusty,” Ringo said, patting the massive proto-drake‘s neck. A fine rain pinged off the plates bolted into the beast’s flesh, and he probably couldn’t feel Ringo’s hand through the saronite plating, but patting the plates seemed like the thing to do. “We’ll go down through their portal, nice and quick, nip inside the bastion, grab us up a wee cultist, then turn and fly back out. Ah’ll ask him ’bout recreatin’ the Curse o’ Flesh on Magni. If he refuses, or claims not ta know what we’re about, we drop him down onto th’ rocks and repeat th’ process until one o’ them gives us th’ answer we need. Right? Right!”

Rusty dutifully tucked in his wings and the pair dove toward the floating Twilight Portal that led, Ringo had been told, to the Bastion of Twilight.

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